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Loving the self is the secret to happiness

Updated: May 27, 2019

This week's Blog is brought to you by Sarah Dewhirst, a self love trainer & coach...

Self love is a healthy, noble love that prioritises one’s own wellbeing. Self loving people love themselves first and foremost and believe themselves worthy of abundance in all aspects of life. They pursue what they want, because they feel more comfortable when their needs are met. Self loving people know everyone is created equal and don’t feel superior or inferior to others.

Loving the self means tuning in to your feelings and thinking thoughts that make you feel good. Self loving people are authentic and honest, because they know who they are, what they want and speak up in favour of themselves.

They are not phased when others don’t behave in ways that please them, because they understand others are separate individuals on their own life path. When you are not seeking validation externally, the behaviour of another doesn’t reflect who you are. Self loving people have clear boundaries and seek validation internally, based on how they feel.

They are comfortable walking away from people and situations that no longer serve their highest good. People who love themselves surround themselves with other likeminded individuals and have a good work life balance.

When you love yourself, life is less complicated because you focus on the one thing you can control in life, which is yourself. If you master your thoughts, you can master your life. You can’t control outer conditions, but you can control how you react to them, and how much airtime you give them internally.

Staying positive attracts positive experiences, opportunities and people into your life. Dwelling on negativity attracts negativity, and the saying things come in threes is an example of negativity breeding negativity.

When you judge yourself through the eyes of another, you are giving away your power and putting yourself at their mercy. If they are having a bad day, so shall you. Happiness really is an inside job and needn’t have anything to do with outer conditions. Practicing gratitude is a tool self loving people use to feel good and attract abundance.

Some people are taught to love the self in childhood and unfortunately some are not. Thankfully the good news is everyone can learn. Often those who had tough starts in life become the most self loving and compassionate people around, because they understand how amazing it feels to breakthrough. They are great at guiding others to greater self love, because they have the experiential knowledge to share.

Self-loving people:

- value their time and use it wisely to bring fun and fulfilment.

- understand unconditional love must include love of self.

- have a secure internal base and feel safe in the world. They know life brings up and downs and have the ability to manage the ebb and flow.

- either had a healthy early family experience or have done the inner work required to see themselves in a positive light.

- are aware of their own power and rights and don’t think or act like a victim.

- know the actions of others are nothing to do with them but may reflect areas for improvement in the self.

- are comfortable handling conflict because they respect themselves and others enough to communicate fairly and diplomatically.

- take care of their bodies by taking exercise, eating healthy food, getting adequate rest and visiting the doctor when necessary.

- are apologetic and self-accepting when they make mistakes and see each mistake as a learning opportunity rather than a reason to beat themselves up.

- don’t have knee jerk reactions, because they feel safe, grounded within, and hold others accountable for their behaviour.

- don’t accept blame for things that aren’t their fault and verbalise their needs and feelings with ease.

- are adaptable and spontaneous because they feel safe to let their guard down, as they know fear is merely a mental construct.

- soothe themselves in healthy ways such as meditation, journaling, exercise, healthy eating, reading, travel and spending time with loving people.

- accept they are human and understand mistakes are inevitable when they are taking risks and growing.

- trust and respond to their inner guidance, even when it is met with disapproval by others.

- know we live in a predominantly benevolent universe.

- are aware of their own worth and are comfortable being paid well for time spent sharing their gifts with others.

- understand they can learn something from everyone they meet.

- like to feel good and pursue activities that are fun, challenging and fulfilling.

- value their own opinion over the opinions of others, but respect this is the case for everyone.

- don’t advise others or try to change opinions because they appreciate diversity.

- are not ashamed of their past and understand it is what adds to the richness of who are they are.

- can laugh at themselves and don’t take life too seriously.

- take action because they know inaction causes doubt, fear and procrastination.

- Take calculated risks in order to feel fulfilment and move the planet forward.

- turn negatives into positives and focus on feeling good.

- not justify themselves, because they know they are inherently worthy.

- don’t feel guilty for living an abundant life and enjoy showing others how to achieve abundance.

- are congruent, so what they say, think, feel and do are all in alignment.

- enjoy clarity and creativity because they are connected to universal energy and intelligence.

- happily, assume responsibility for their own needs, joy and fulfilment.

- follow their bliss because it connects them to higher self and the universe.

- enjoy healthy loving relationships.

- surrender to what is and choose non-resistance to free themselves from pain.

- know self love is the most important love there is, because it influences how we love others and others love us.

- maintain their dignity by holding onto their power.

- have known struggle but learned to overcome it.

- enjoy the journey of self discovery and honing their unique gifts.

- are compassionate and see good in others.

- are happy to start small and build a legacy.

- enjoy time alone and don’t feel lonely.

- don’t need to sell themselves or show off.

- assume they are liked and don’t allow insecurities to hold them back.

- know how powerful they are and use this power for the greater good.

- compete against themselves by being better than they were yesterday.

- release resistance to achieve things they want.

- believe they will manifest their desires.

- don’t waste their time criticising, blaming or judging others.

- stay in a positive mindset as much as possible and follow their dreams despite what others think.

- are realistic and happy to push through and stay true to themselves in order to reach the other side.

- Accept where they are on their journey and have compassion for themselves when they are going through a rough patch.

For more inspiration about self love check out Eva & Alma’s post: 10 Ways to Improve Emotional Wellbeing and my post about Self Validation

Sarah Dewhirst is a proud Ambassador for self love and set up her own business teaching about the subject in 2018, after experiencing a profound transformation in her own life. She provides inspirational coaching for those committed to their own self love journey and is creating an online course opening summer 2019.

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