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How to be a Soul Doula in life...

It's how you are BEING, not what is happening that makes you a badass in life and death!

flowers on wooden floor with a title in green box that says 'self compassion'.

⭐️Who are you BEING in the disappointment of life?⭐️

Last week I had the opportunity to take a mini holiday. Despite having travelled and holidayed alone before, I wasn't feeling it so booked myself onto retreat so I get to 'people' for a while. Two retreats in fact!

The first retreat was a yoga & healing retreat in Dorset at my favourite retreat centre in the UK. This is also where I myself have led retreats. However this time, I needed a retreat just for me. I think it's so important as a wellbeing mentor that I continue my own growth and development. I continue my own self care based on my ever-changing needs. The work I did to reach a place to lead others didn't just stop when I became a Coach/Mentor/Teacher/Healer. By investing in my growth continually, my clients benefit more. How can I ask my clients to devote themselves to self mastery if I am not prepared to go to deep places myself?

The yoga retreat was wonderful. My body loved it. It was good for my mind to switch off from work and divorce stuff for a bit. And my soul was nourished by the whole environment and love Claire puts in to her retreats.

Following this retreat I had the opportunity to attend a wild swim retreat! Anyone that knows me well knows I love water and swimming. I have never been on a wild swim retreat before. Going to new places with an invisible yet physical disability is definitely a challenge, but one I wanted to attempt.

Unfortunately, upon arrival , the schedule had slightly changed. At first I wasn't phased, but after the first evening of swimming in rough seas then not able to warm up properly for hours after because we didn't go straight back to the accommodation, my body was very unimpressed. If we had the opportunity to rest the next day, I would have recovered. But we were up at 6.30 for brekkie and the plan was to leave at 7.30am and not come back until 3.3pm. A whole day of cold water swimming, sat in damp clothes all day with nowhere to warm up and the weather had turned. Many people would have loved it, and if i'm honest, old me would have liked it, but not loved it. Yet, I know my body and condition now would have flared up if I had carried on. And a flare up would mean not being able to drive myself home from Dorset and a recovery from a few days to weeks.

I was so so upset to have to make a decision to come home early the next day. You see, I have always had the mindset to keep going. To overcome challenges and think positively - that I will always be ok. Yet, this mindset became my enemy when it actually pushed me into denial. Denial that my body was asking for help. Denial that if I wanted to heal, I had to switch my mindset to more self compassion. To understand that sometimes, stopping what I am doing is not a 'weakness', a 'failure' or 'giving up'.

One of the first things yoga taught me was where my ego sat on that scale.

You either don't even attempt new things or challenge yourself due to fear of failure.

Or, you are a constant pusher. Someone who pushes to do things - even when it doesn't feel aligned to what you want to do. It's just an ego challenge tick box.

The balance (and key to a healthy life), is knowing when to challenge yourself and knowing when to say 'no' or stop.

This my lovely, is the fundamental key to yoga. Softening the ego.

And I was challenged this weekend to soften my ego and make a decision to miss out on something (even though I had paid a lot of money and had to let it go!) for the greater good of my health.

I allowed the feelings to arise. I shed a tear. I felt the disappointment. I called a close friend who I feel safe with when I am in my feels to come and hang out. Because I had already processed I was able to enjoy their comforting presence without having to keep hashing over what had happened. I had let go.

And very quickly, the disappointment and frustration turned to peace. To a sense of gratitude for myself for even attempting to partake in a retreat of this nature, on my own with the physical challenges I face every day. And I am so friggen proud of myself.

And I am proud of YOU.

Every time you challenge yourself for good reasons, and the challenge doesn't work out how you had visualised and hoped. Every time you put yourself out there for life to smack you in the chops.

Because life will ALWAYS challenge you. It's who you are BEING in those challenges that matters. Not what is happening.

When you understand it's your BEING that matters, you will always choose what feels good for you. Even if it doesn't go to plan. Because not everything goes to plan. And that's perfect!

I see this at end of life and in the grief journey. You cannot control death - you can only control your being. How you live during the final stages of your life. You cannot control grief - the loss and void of losing a loved one is heartbreaking. Grief is part of life - not an illness to cure. Again, it's who we are BEING in those moments that make us and help us grow. Suppression isn't it. Nor is staying stuck in loss for the rest of your life either.

You are here to live beautiful soul. And that means growing in the most painful challenges. It means choosing to grow.

It's how to be a Soul Doula.

If you're feeling called to grow, then my Soul Doula® programme will support you to face your own mortality, look at death through the lens of emotions, energetics and setting a space for transition. You'll be assessed on your BEING. Your past qualifications are irrelevant. It's YOU and your energy that is important.

If you want to chat to me about the programme please click link below, fill out the pre-assessment form as it helps you decide before we even chat if you are feeling the vibe. Then we arrange an informal chat via zoom before you make a decision.

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