Past Life Trauma

This month I followed the calling of my soul and came over to Spain on my own. Rationally and logistically, I couldn't justify it - but the Universe had my back as I was meant to be here, during Semana Santa (Easter). But I had no idea just what was in store...

For almost 20 years, since meeting someone I have a very deep and Divine connection to, I've had a constant vision I can't explain. Sometimes when I'm asleep but mostly when I'm awake (like a day dream that makes no sense). It's a vision of me running down a corridor out into a balcony that over-looks a square. I was very upset and in a hurry - I felt frightened (and can sometimes feel the anxiety when I'm having the vision). As I arrive on the balcony, I see someone I loved dearly, have their head chopped off in the centre of the square below me. I scream (and have a feeling of guilt that I couldn't get there in time - like it's my fault). And as I collapse to the ground I'm taken away, put onto a ship, treated terribly and then thrown into the ocean. Yes - it sounds horrible doesn't it?! It's never made sense to me why I've had this same vision. I've done so much work to figure out if it's trauma from childhood (like watching a movie, or hearing or learning about something that upset me), a subconscious belief etc... And I've always come up with nothing. But about 3 years ago, I remembered. I had my deep, profound and quite frankly, a little scary spiritual awakening. The alarm clock went off and I remembered who I was and why I'm here. I had massive light bulb moments about things that had happened to me in this life and why. I came to the conclusion that this vision was in fact a past life memory. So, I've been healing it when my soul (and my soul crew) guide me to.

To cut a very long story short, the person I saw in my vision being killed is someone I know in this life. When I mentioned I was going away, this person told me to visit this location. I haven't verbally spoken to this person since 2012, but he went out of his way to call me and guide me to this place. I rationally thought that he was being helpful and letting me know about a place I'd like to visit on my travels (which happens a lot by the way so nothing out of the usual there. When someone suggests I do something I don't automatically assume it's deep and spiritual lol!). Before I came here I had a niggle that I may be doing some past life work, but that was it. I wasn't sure what would actually happen.

When I arrived in the region where the Monastery is, I had mixed feelings. I felt joy, excitement and love. But in the next breath I felt sadness and a little fear (this conflict of em